Wish I could understand it before

Hey everyone. I’m not sure if someone will even read this because I don’t promote my blog anywhere so it’s like my web diary. In this blogpost I’d like to share some advice which I wish I could have given myself before.

1. Being adult means being responsible for yourself. Take care of yourself. Think what you’re doing , to think which consequences can be.

2. No one has the right to bully or insult me. Before I was shy about standing for myself. Now I’m not at all, speech is powerful weapon. I value myself!

3. I’m beautiful and everything in my appearance and body is amazing. I never want to worry about it again.

4. Money can come and can go. Don’t panic if the amount of money saved seems low

5. Friends drink with you, family brings water when you’re hungover. Remember it. Set priorities correctly !

6. Who partied and had dates with you, had only fun. Don’t get your hopes up. When everyone’s drunk or want you they always love you and want to protect you. But only before they’re sober:)

7. Never say never. Everything changes. Your opinion and feelings aren’t absolute truths.

8. I always mess up.. mess up without regrets haha.

9. Don’t try to change on purpose — it’s hard. Life and people will change your at the right time.

10. You’ll love and «suffer» from love more than once — don’t think that without that person you can’t live. You’ll live, you will.

Thanks for reading

22 August 2018

1 am

Fiona

Accidents aren’t accidental

Everything in my life happens randomly! I never scold myself for something what I’ve done accidentally. My accidents knew better than me how and when to happen. I never control my impulses, if I want — I do.

Had a nice day today. Didn’t go to classes cause they’re boring , however met one person and we had so many interesting things to talk about. I enjoy such deep conversations. I wasn’t planning the meeting, it happened very randomly. All random things, people  which happen in my life are usually picturesque. I feel lucky, it’s like something holding my hand and pointing where to go, and I always end up in something interesting and I’m happy about it.

Maybe I should change such lifestyle? Can people change? It’s kind of a mystery. Sometimes I get in these moods and get all amped to do nothing wrong, be all healthy, think long-term, logical. Make rational, boring decisions on the road to SUCCESS! Then the next day I’m back to my normal ‘Fun World’ paradigm. Do we strive to be better? Or do we just enjoy the ride and go with the flow? Can there be a balance?

 

Tell me this. If one guy lives his life eating bagels and cream cheese with coffee and cream every morning and he’s happy BUT he has a dad bod and dies of a heart attack at 60, and there’s another guy who eats healthy but he’s a little less happy because he can’t eat bagels and people also automatically assume he’s a douche because of his six-pack and he dies at say 80 (wow nice 20 more years of being old!) Which is better? I think about this stuff.

12 20 am

Almaty, Kazakhstan

Fiona

Love is not enough

In 1967, John Lennon wrote the song «All you need is love.» He also beat both his wives, left one of his children, continuously insulted his gay Jewish manager with both homophobic and antiemetic language and once upon a time spend an entire day laid completely naked on the floor.

Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from the band Nine Inch Nails wrote the song «Love is not enough.» Reznor, despite his famous for shocking performances on the stage and grotesque anxious clips, got rid of drug and alcohol addiction, married one woman, had two children with her, and then canceled the subsequent studio and tour activities to stay at home and become a good husband and father.

One of these men has a pure and realistic understanding of love. The other does not. One of them idealizes love, seeing in it the solution of all problems. Other one doesn’t. One of them, probably, was a narcissistic jerk. The second was not.

In our culture, many people idealize love. We see in it as sublime panacea for all life’s problems. Our films and stories in books make it out to be the ultimate goal of life, the final deliverance from the whole painful struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, we have to pay for this relationship.

When we believe that «all we need is love,» like Lennon, we tend to ignore the fundamental values: respect, humility and commitment to the people we care about. In the end, if love decides everything, why should I bother myself with other things — complicated things? The fundamentals on which love is actually based.

But if, like Reznor, we believe that «love is not enough,» we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotions or high passions. We understand that there are things more important in our life and in our relationships than just being in love. And the success of our relations depends on deeper and more important values.

Thanks for reading

Set Priorities

There’s this thing, like a pebble in my shoe, a thorn in the brain so to speak, that’s always pestering me, always telling me to write.As cheesy as that sounds, here I am. I’m so happy for the 20-30 of you that read this blog. That’s flattering.

I was overthinking my life these days. As always haha. I’ve been losing my precious time on pointless people and things. I’ll give some examples. I kept in touch with one guy. He could always meet up only at that time when I had rehearsals. So, what did I? Skipped dance classes, in order to see and spend time with that guy. What’s the conclusion? I haven’t grown professionally in dancing. That’s sad. So, what about the guy? I don’t even know where he’s now. Yet another example is that I was admitted to participate in Technovation tournament, where you need to have coding and programming skills. I was thinking about it, because it’s worldwide famous championship blah blah. However, I ended up at right decision.

Here’s my advice. Always ask yourself: «Do you need it?» So, I asked myself. Do I want to do programming in future, is it my niche, do I really want to do it? Both answers were no. The correct answer is: I can spend this time on something more important to me such as college, practicing dance, studying German.

The question «Do I need it?» Work with people as well. Every time you wonder if you want to date that girl/guy or not, do you have future with this person, feelings? The answer here is very clear. Yes or No. There are no other options.

Life can be black and white. You can be only hot or cold, you can date or not date, you can do it or not. Learn to define what’s important for you, what do YOU want. Once you’ve found answers to these questions — set priorities. And then begin to live the life you actually want.

Thanks for reading

Fiona Edwards

Almaty, KZ
2am