Leave past, live now

In 30 minutes will be 13th November and it means that it’ll be my 13th day in Tel Aviv , Israel. I’m really in love with Tel Aviv. This city is always busy and alive. It reminds me Berlin and I really love Berlin. Berlin is just more Budget Version haha. I love the vibe of Tel Aviv, it’s the city where I’d really love to live. And I can tell you that I’ve done some traveling before and no matter where I was, I missed my home and city , wanted to go back.. here I don’t want to fly back to my city.

So, recently I was thinking about past. And especially about past relationships. I finally let everything go. I don’t need any reminders of them and especially any hopes. I had hopes even after 4 years! How dumb it’s. I had not one relationships and of course I learned something from them, but I don’t want to remember about these people.

Speaking of relationships, I’m so young and I already had so many dramas and useless people that sometimes I feel older. I don’t regret about it , it’s my life and experience. But I learned some good things , maybe in other posts I’ll share it..

I met one guy last week. We go out , but it’s his last week in Tel Aviv. It’s kinda sad cause he’s interesting person and I don’t have any other friends here. Of course i can make new friends but here everything depends from luck. You can meet 20 people and with no one you’ll «match» . You never know..

Do you know how I met that guy? For me tinder and Couchsurfing don’t work here. I use old fashioned ways. I just told «Hi» to him in the street. You see, such way sometimes works.

And one more thing. I enjoy this moment while Im writing this post. I enjoy every moment of my life, I’m alive now. I’m grateful for everything. I love my family and what I do for living.


Thanks for reading

11:50 Pm

10 mins to 13 November ,2018

Tel Aviv, Israel

He was the one

Once, for a single moment the whole country was shocked. Shocked by cruelty with which the nations favourite person was killed, a handsome guy, talented, bright, successful and young. The true love and pride of all Kazakhstan.

The price of life of the Olympic champion in a country blessed with huge oil wealth, was negligible — two auto mirrors. The knife of the bastard interrupted such a beautiful and bright life. In the afternoon, downtown Almaty.

They killed not just a man, they killed the pride of the country, its hope, sincere love. They killed a man who became an Olympic prize-winner, thanks to his diligence, talent and perseverance. Who glorified Kazakhstan, becoming the only athlete in the history of the country to win medals in the Olympic Games, World Championships and Continental Championship

In his 25 years he did so much to popularize Kazakhstan as all state institutions combined failed to do. It is impossible to describe the depth of our grief. It is difficult to find a brighter spark among modern Kazakhstanis; a man whom the entire people would equally sincerely and selflessly love

For a huge talent, charisma, intelligence, spiritual purity. Only with the death of such people you realize how much we have lost, just like in an instant, an entire people can become orphaned in one hour.

Kazakhstan is the second country in terms of uranium reserves, the 19th in terms of gas reserves, and the 12th in terms of oil reserves. This is the country whose capital hosts negotiations for the reconciliation in Syria, and in the southern capital, people kill the Olympic chamption for auto-mirrors. Denis, you did more than anyone else for a country that did not protect you! Forgive us, Champion!

Accidents aren’t accidental

Everything in my life happens randomly! I never scold myself for something what I’ve done accidentally. My accidents knew better than me how and when to happen. I never control my impulses, if I want — I do.

Had a nice day today. Didn’t go to classes cause they’re boring , however met one person and we had so many interesting things to talk about. I enjoy such deep conversations. I wasn’t planning the meeting, it happened very randomly. All random things, people  which happen in my life are usually picturesque. I feel lucky, it’s like something holding my hand and pointing where to go, and I always end up in something interesting and I’m happy about it.

Maybe I should change such lifestyle? Can people change? It’s kind of a mystery. Sometimes I get in these moods and get all amped to do nothing wrong, be all healthy, think long-term, logical. Make rational, boring decisions on the road to SUCCESS! Then the next day I’m back to my normal ‘Fun World’ paradigm. Do we strive to be better? Or do we just enjoy the ride and go with the flow? Can there be a balance?


Tell me this. If one guy lives his life eating bagels and cream cheese with coffee and cream every morning and he’s happy BUT he has a dad bod and dies of a heart attack at 60, and there’s another guy who eats healthy but he’s a little less happy because he can’t eat bagels and people also automatically assume he’s a douche because of his six-pack and he dies at say 80 (wow nice 20 more years of being old!) Which is better? I think about this stuff.

12 20 am

Almaty, Kazakhstan


Why I left Mormonism and other religious ramblings

Leaving religion can be hard when your family are very much a part of it. I feel lucky that my parents are not deeply into religious stuff, so it was easier for me to leave than for other people. My opinion about the subject is clear: if you don’t like going to church then don’t go to church. If it doesn’t bring many benefits in your life, just move forward.

I’m pretty sure that I would have been more miserable if I stayed in the church. I read these books like the bible, the book of Mormon, Buddhist texts, Judaism for dummies and started realizing that just organized religion is voluntary, you don’t have to be diehard about it. And if there’s God I don’t want him to require me to have faith in him where when I get to the end and I die and he’s like: oh you didn’t accept Jesus and you didn’t have faith with me so you’re gonna go to hell. I don’t want that to be my God anyway, I don’t want to fear God.

Another issue is that there are too many limitations and rules that you need to follow, because if you don’t, it means that you’re not really into religion and everyone in church will be very judgmental. I think church rules became too old for today’s world. For example, abortion laws that make premature termination a sin on the part of the mother. Oh, come on it’s not even a baby, it’s clot of cells, and anyway it’s her own body and she can do whatever she wants with it, only the girl has the decision, not the bishop or whoever has power in church. In addition, sex out of wedlock and masturbation are viewed as sins, which is total crap because it’s a physical need of everyone person, as much as food.

Also, I don’t like position of girl in the church life. Why can only men be bishops or priests? Why can’t women have the same roles? That’s discriminating. I want to live in the world of equal opportunities, and church doesn’t provide that.

I left church because it’s not opened for LGBT and Mormons were racists well before I joined with a history of membership being only open to those of a “white race”.

The last reason is that I’ve never felt a true connection. Church was something new, interesting and entertaining for me, but I’ve never felt like these other modest church girls. I felt differently, I wasn’t agreeing with what the church leaders said – so the best option was just to quit.

I don’t regret that now, maybe I miss some people but not the rules or church life.

Thanks for reading

Fiona Edwards

1o pm

Kazakhstan, Almaty