Do you have a dream?

“Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75.” – Ben Franklin

My social circle becomes smaller. There are too many people without goals or any passion. “I don’t read books” that embassy guy tells me”, I don’t really know what to study at university” a female friend from a wealthy background notes to me.

People are boring, not all of them, but a lot of those with who I used to keep in touch.

I don’t have much to write about. “NY I love you” by LCD Soundsystem is playing softly in the background. I haven’t had any reason to write in a while. I’m in this weird, blurry, content state of indifference. Stable. A down-to-earth, “dumb” state of ‘happiness’. Religion posts was awesome, but now I feel like not have any cool ideas. I don’t really have anything to complain about. Passion? I’m not passionate anymore. What’s fucked up is that I don’t care that I don’t care that I’m not passionate anymore. Or maybe am I just lazy?

You know what? Kazakh guys are boring. Ask them what’s your dream? You’ll get an answer “good job, high ranking civil service post, gucci suit, Maserati”. Is this all you’ve ever wanted? Typical model for happiness. I feel sorry for such people but maybe it is real big dream, is it something worthy to dream about? I recognize these tendencies in myself sometimes and that frustrates me.

I’ll continue write this blog. I’ll keep dancing, then I’ll do bachelor degree. I’ll get married around 30. Have a couple of kids. Die around 70-80 years old. and That’s it. I just wanna be normal or maybe I wanna be normal today? Fuck perfection. Fuck ‘greatness’, I’m over it.

Also, I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and have a completely new, opposite paradigm.

Thanks for reading

Fiona Edwards

1 am

Almaty, KZ