Once, for a single moment the whole country was shocked. Shocked by cruelty with which the nations favourite person was killed, a handsome guy, talented, bright, successful and young. The true love and pride of all Kazakhstan.
The price of life of the Olympic champion in a country blessed with huge oil wealth, was negligible — two auto mirrors. The knife of the bastard interrupted such a beautiful and bright life. In the afternoon, downtown Almaty.
They killed not just a man, they killed the pride of the country, its hope, sincere love. They killed a man who became an Olympic prize-winner, thanks to his diligence, talent and perseverance. Who glorified Kazakhstan, becoming the only athlete in the history of the country to win medals in the Olympic Games, World Championships and Continental Championship
In his 25 years he did so much to popularize Kazakhstan as all state institutions combined failed to do. It is impossible to describe the depth of our grief. It is difficult to find a brighter spark among modern Kazakhstanis; a man whom the entire people would equally sincerely and selflessly love
For a huge talent, charisma, intelligence, spiritual purity. Only with the death of such people you realize how much we have lost, just like in an instant, an entire people can become orphaned in one hour.
Kazakhstan is the second country in terms of uranium reserves, the 19th in terms of gas reserves, and the 12th in terms of oil reserves. This is the country whose capital hosts negotiations for the reconciliation in Syria, and in the southern capital, people kill the Olympic chamption for auto-mirrors. Denis, you did more than anyone else for a country that did not protect you! Forgive us, Champion!
Everything in my life happens randomly! I never scold myself for something what I’ve done accidentally. My accidents knew better than me how and when to happen. I never control my impulses, if I want — I do.
Had a nice day today. Didn’t go to classes cause they’re boring , however met one person and we had so many interesting things to talk about. I enjoy such deep conversations. I wasn’t planning the meeting, it happened very randomly. All random things, people which happen in my life are usually picturesque. I feel lucky, it’s like something holding my hand and pointing where to go, and I always end up in something interesting and I’m happy about it.
Maybe I should change such lifestyle? Can people change? It’s kind of a mystery. Sometimes I get in these moods and get all amped to do nothing wrong, be all healthy, think long-term, logical. Make rational, boring decisions on the road to SUCCESS! Then the next day I’m back to my normal ‘Fun World’ paradigm. Do we strive to be better? Or do we just enjoy the ride and go with the flow? Can there be a balance?
Tell me this. If one guy lives his life eating bagels and cream cheese with coffee and cream every morning and he’s happy BUT he has a dad bod and dies of a heart attack at 60, and there’s another guy who eats healthy but he’s a little less happy because he can’t eat bagels and people also automatically assume he’s a douche because of his six-pack and he dies at say 80 (wow nice 20 more years of being old!) Which is better? I think about this stuff.
12 20 am
I never liked to write about love. Because it’s probably the only feeling which cannot be described, be put in any category and succumb to any logic rule. Love is hard. Really very hard. This is burden of responsibility, forever FEAR to lose you loved one, permanent anxiety not to correspond to persons demands.
Whoever you love — man, woman, mother, kid, this fear to become attached too much to this, so that in future it won’t be so painful to untie this invisible «threads», when it’s all over.
Love scares me because it’s so irrational and inconsistent. This is what unique in love is — there are no laws. It just exists. Or doesn’t. You can’t control it. Human can’t control anything. For example we can’t control our dreams. And if we can’t control ourselves. how can person control feelings for someone?
Love is also sad. No your love object near you — that’s all every minute is unhappy. And what is it all for? Why? No logic! But then in future, to know that this someone still remembers your perfume smell, that they have a smile on his face when they hear your name.
Love is glimpse of light in series of pain. Same as pauses between contractions. You’ll walk and love. Until you die.
In 1967, John Lennon wrote the song «All you need is love.» He also beat both his wives, left one of his children, continuously insulted his gay Jewish manager with both homophobic and antiemetic language and once upon a time spend an entire day laid completely naked on the floor.
Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from the band Nine Inch Nails wrote the song «Love is not enough.» Reznor, despite his famous for shocking performances on the stage and grotesque anxious clips, got rid of drug and alcohol addiction, married one woman, had two children with her, and then canceled the subsequent studio and tour activities to stay at home and become a good husband and father.
One of these men has a pure and realistic understanding of love. The other does not. One of them idealizes love, seeing in it the solution of all problems. Other one doesn’t. One of them, probably, was a narcissistic jerk. The second was not.
In our culture, many people idealize love. We see in it as sublime panacea for all life’s problems. Our films and stories in books make it out to be the ultimate goal of life, the final deliverance from the whole painful struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, we have to pay for this relationship.
When we believe that «all we need is love,» like Lennon, we tend to ignore the fundamental values: respect, humility and commitment to the people we care about. In the end, if love decides everything, why should I bother myself with other things — complicated things? The fundamentals on which love is actually based.
But if, like Reznor, we believe that «love is not enough,» we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotions or high passions. We understand that there are things more important in our life and in our relationships than just being in love. And the success of our relations depends on deeper and more important values.
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There’s this thing, like a pebble in my shoe, a thorn in the brain so to speak, that’s always pestering me, always telling me to write.As cheesy as that sounds, here I am. I’m so happy for the 20-30 of you that read this blog. That’s flattering.
I was overthinking my life these days. As always haha. I’ve been losing my precious time on pointless people and things. I’ll give some examples. I kept in touch with one guy. He could always meet up only at that time when I had rehearsals. So, what did I? Skipped dance classes, in order to see and spend time with that guy. What’s the conclusion? I haven’t grown professionally in dancing. That’s sad. So, what about the guy? I don’t even know where he’s now. Yet another example is that I was admitted to participate in Technovation tournament, where you need to have coding and programming skills. I was thinking about it, because it’s worldwide famous championship blah blah. However, I ended up at right decision.
Here’s my advice. Always ask yourself: «Do you need it?» So, I asked myself. Do I want to do programming in future, is it my niche, do I really want to do it? Both answers were no. The correct answer is: I can spend this time on something more important to me such as college, practicing dance, studying German.
The question «Do I need it?» Work with people as well. Every time you wonder if you want to date that girl/guy or not, do you have future with this person, feelings? The answer here is very clear. Yes or No. There are no other options.
Life can be black and white. You can be only hot or cold, you can date or not date, you can do it or not. Learn to define what’s important for you, what do YOU want. Once you’ve found answers to these questions — set priorities. And then begin to live the life you actually want.
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The longer you go without working out, the less tone you get, the more weight you gain, the less likely you’ll start working out again.
The longer you go without studying or reading, the more anxious you get about it, the less likely you’ll start read or study. Same dilemma.
Then suddenly, out of chance, you get home one day in all your automation, and you happen to eat more than one or two cookies, not realizing it would put you in a deep 6-hour sugar crash.
You wake up on the couch. The TV’s on. It’s 5am. You turn the TV off and you sit there. You feel a little groggy, but something’s different. You care. Sandwiches? No. Today let’s try eggs and veggies. No bread, No sugar. Let’s write down some goals. Let’s do some crunches. Take a shower. Clean up the apartment. Why now? Who knows. It’s just the motion of the universe I guess. Over-analyzing it won’t get you anywhere either. That kind of thinking will put you back down the rabbit hole. Today, you care.
Maybe I’ll stick with it this time. Boiled eggs, black beans, peas & carrots, green tea. 60 crunches. Don’t skip any dance rehearsals. Jump rope until I’m sweating. Hop in the shower. Sit down on a chair and wait. Wait until it comes. Then do studying and write.
Saturday’s will be cheat day, because “Shabbat”. It’s Jewish day off. Or maybe Tuesday? A lot of things are cheaper on Tuesdays, the movies? Tuesday’s will be filled with Soda, Candies, Mcdonald’s, and all the other poisonous things you can think of. Complete freedom and debauchery.
Then back to structure. Discipline. Self-control. Self-awareness.
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