Cult of virginity in Kazakhstan


Had a discussion with my friend today, she was talking about her boyfriend’s psychology. He told her that guys prefer to wed younger girls because they are less “damaged” and have fewer life experiences. I was annoyed by this. What does it mean less damaged girl? What does mean “take for marriage?” Am I just an object, like food? Why do guys view girls as something they can own or pick?

“Husband killed his with after wedding when he found out that she’s not a virgin”, “Husband kicked out wife when he found out she wasn’t a virgin” that’s something I see in Kazakh news pretty often. Why is it even happening? – I think to myself. Isn’t Kazakhstan a modern country? We had EXPO fair, we have skyscrapers, we have modern technologies, we have everything a person needs in the 21st century…but we also have a deep and underlying conservative mentality.

I remember having a conversation with random girl I met on my friend’s birthday party. Are you virgin? Asks me the girl. I’m telling her that this question doesn’t make any sense. However, this answer wasn’t enough for her, because she’s started telling her pointless crap: “I’ll get married being virgin, I’ll be clear for my husband, that’s how Kazakh girls must be, I won’t disgrace my family…” Oh. This sounds sad. “Do Kazakh girls have lawbook regarding how to live.? Will her husband also be a virgin.?” What’s the benefit of being a virgin? Ramblings started to appear in my mind. I answered her: “You swallow ‘indisputable’ facts, such as the notion of ‘honor and purity’ without question, and therefore without analyzing”. Also, you will never feel the taste of this beautiful and diverse life. You are compelled to swallow these «facts» by force. The world goes beyond the boundaries of your notion of «good» and «bad.» Girls are not divided into «whores» and «dignified». Everything is much broader and more versatile, and if you do not destroy your boundaries (or rather not yours, but those that are socially imposed), you will live your life in closed, dark and depressing circumstances. There hasn’t been any such law in KZ constitution that you must remain a virgin for some time.

She stared at me. Maybe she didn’t understand the meaning of my words. Then she told that there’s something wrong with me, and I’ll regret it. However, I never learned what it is I will regret because she moved away somewhere, to talk with someone else. I felt sorry for her after our conversation and I think she felt sorry for me. Who was right?

By the way did you know that one of the most popular surgery in Kazakhstan is the restoration of virginity?

Thanks for reading

Fiona Edwards

1 am

Almaty, Kazakhstan

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