Leave past, live now

In 30 minutes will be 13th November and it means that it’ll be my 13th day in Tel Aviv , Israel. I’m really in love with Tel Aviv. This city is always busy and alive. It reminds me Berlin and I really love Berlin. Berlin is just more Budget Version haha. I love the vibe of Tel Aviv, it’s the city where I’d really love to live. And I can tell you that I’ve done some traveling before and no matter where I was, I missed my home and city , wanted to go back.. here I don’t want to fly back to my city.

So, recently I was thinking about past. And especially about past relationships. I finally let everything go. I don’t need any reminders of them and especially any hopes. I had hopes even after 4 years! How dumb it’s. I had not one relationships and of course I learned something from them, but I don’t want to remember about these people.

Speaking of relationships, I’m so young and I already had so many dramas and useless people that sometimes I feel older. I don’t regret about it , it’s my life and experience. But I learned some good things , maybe in other posts I’ll share it..

I met one guy last week. We go out , but it’s his last week in Tel Aviv. It’s kinda sad cause he’s interesting person and I don’t have any other friends here. Of course i can make new friends but here everything depends from luck. You can meet 20 people and with no one you’ll «match» . You never know..

Do you know how I met that guy? For me tinder and Couchsurfing don’t work here. I use old fashioned ways. I just told «Hi» to him in the street. You see, such way sometimes works.

And one more thing. I enjoy this moment while Im writing this post. I enjoy every moment of my life, I’m alive now. I’m grateful for everything. I love my family and what I do for living.

Goodnight.

Thanks for reading

11:50 Pm

10 mins to 13 November ,2018

Tel Aviv, Israel

Life update | Israel

It’s been a week since I’m in Israel. I remember long time ago, when it was my dream to go to Israel and to live there for a while. However, not the most pleasant news brought me here, which I want to keep in private.

Tel Aviv is amazing city and I like being here. People are so friendly, cafes and bars are very good both service and food/drinks. What I enjoy here is working out outdoors and running at beachfront. Maybe next post will be comparison between Tel Aviv and Almaty.

My trip here is very random. I can’t tell if it’s good, because in Almaty I had a lot of projects which I miss now. In November I planned at least 3 performances (who don’t remember, I’m dancer). I had role in performance with my dance group, but I won’t be able to do it, so received message that they found amazingly talented and perfect girl instead of me for this role aren’t the most cheering news.. Also planned two solos which were already ready for stage and now I get out of dance shape. Well, I at least do workout and ballet class with ballet music in my AirPods in outdoor workout park where everyone stares at me like I’m weirdo lol.

Now some more personal observations about Israel: 1. Public transport works amazing 2. Jewish guys are very different from European and central Asian guys with their behavior. I guess I can tell bigger overview about them later , when I’ll get more experience haha.

Anyway, I don’t know when I’m back.

Very soon, I promise .

Yulia

Israel, Tel Aviv

9:45 pm

Wish I could understand it before

Hey everyone. I’m not sure if someone will even read this because I don’t promote my blog anywhere so it’s like my web diary. In this blogpost I’d like to share some advice which I wish I could have given myself before.

1. Being adult means being responsible for yourself. Take care of yourself. Think what you’re doing , to think which consequences can be.

2. No one has the right to bully or insult me. Before I was shy about standing for myself. Now I’m not at all, speech is powerful weapon. I value myself!

3. I’m beautiful and everything in my appearance and body is amazing. I never want to worry about it again.

4. Money can come and can go. Don’t panic if the amount of money saved seems low

5. Friends drink with you, family brings water when you’re hungover. Remember it. Set priorities correctly !

6. Who partied and had dates with you, had only fun. Don’t get your hopes up. When everyone’s drunk or want you they always love you and want to protect you. But only before they’re sober:)

7. Never say never. Everything changes. Your opinion and feelings aren’t absolute truths.

8. I always mess up.. mess up without regrets haha.

9. Don’t try to change on purpose — it’s hard. Life and people will change your at the right time.

10. You’ll love and «suffer» from love more than once — don’t think that without that person you can’t live. You’ll live, you will.

Thanks for reading

22 August 2018

1 am

Fiona

He was the one

Once, for a single moment the whole country was shocked. Shocked by cruelty with which the nations favourite person was killed, a handsome guy, talented, bright, successful and young. The true love and pride of all Kazakhstan.

The price of life of the Olympic champion in a country blessed with huge oil wealth, was negligible — two auto mirrors. The knife of the bastard interrupted such a beautiful and bright life. In the afternoon, downtown Almaty.

They killed not just a man, they killed the pride of the country, its hope, sincere love. They killed a man who became an Olympic prize-winner, thanks to his diligence, talent and perseverance. Who glorified Kazakhstan, becoming the only athlete in the history of the country to win medals in the Olympic Games, World Championships and Continental Championship

In his 25 years he did so much to popularize Kazakhstan as all state institutions combined failed to do. It is impossible to describe the depth of our grief. It is difficult to find a brighter spark among modern Kazakhstanis; a man whom the entire people would equally sincerely and selflessly love

For a huge talent, charisma, intelligence, spiritual purity. Only with the death of such people you realize how much we have lost, just like in an instant, an entire people can become orphaned in one hour.

Kazakhstan is the second country in terms of uranium reserves, the 19th in terms of gas reserves, and the 12th in terms of oil reserves. This is the country whose capital hosts negotiations for the reconciliation in Syria, and in the southern capital, people kill the Olympic chamption for auto-mirrors. Denis, you did more than anyone else for a country that did not protect you! Forgive us, Champion!

Accidents aren’t accidental

Everything in my life happens randomly! I never scold myself for something what I’ve done accidentally. My accidents knew better than me how and when to happen. I never control my impulses, if I want — I do.

Had a nice day today. Didn’t go to classes cause they’re boring , however met one person and we had so many interesting things to talk about. I enjoy such deep conversations. I wasn’t planning the meeting, it happened very randomly. All random things, people  which happen in my life are usually picturesque. I feel lucky, it’s like something holding my hand and pointing where to go, and I always end up in something interesting and I’m happy about it.

Maybe I should change such lifestyle? Can people change? It’s kind of a mystery. Sometimes I get in these moods and get all amped to do nothing wrong, be all healthy, think long-term, logical. Make rational, boring decisions on the road to SUCCESS! Then the next day I’m back to my normal ‘Fun World’ paradigm. Do we strive to be better? Or do we just enjoy the ride and go with the flow? Can there be a balance?

 

Tell me this. If one guy lives his life eating bagels and cream cheese with coffee and cream every morning and he’s happy BUT he has a dad bod and dies of a heart attack at 60, and there’s another guy who eats healthy but he’s a little less happy because he can’t eat bagels and people also automatically assume he’s a douche because of his six-pack and he dies at say 80 (wow nice 20 more years of being old!) Which is better? I think about this stuff.

12 20 am

Almaty, Kazakhstan

Fiona

Irrational feeling which brings courage in my life

I never liked to write about love. Because it’s probably the only feeling which cannot be described, be put in any category and succumb to any logic rule. Love is hard. Really very hard. This is burden of responsibility, forever FEAR to lose you loved one, permanent anxiety not to correspond to persons demands.

Whoever you love — man, woman, mother, kid, this fear to become attached too much to this, so that in future it won’t be so painful to untie this invisible «threads», when it’s all over.

Love scares me because it’s so irrational and inconsistent. This is what unique in love is — there are no laws. It just exists. Or doesn’t. You can’t control it. Human can’t control anything. For example we can’t control our dreams. And if we can’t control ourselves. how can person control feelings for someone?

Love is also sad. No your love object near you — that’s all every minute is unhappy. And what is it all for? Why? No logic! But then in future, to know that this someone still remembers your perfume smell, that they have a smile on his face when they hear your name.

Love is glimpse of light in series of pain. Same as pauses between contractions. You’ll walk and love. Until you die.

Love is not enough

In 1967, John Lennon wrote the song «All you need is love.» He also beat both his wives, left one of his children, continuously insulted his gay Jewish manager with both homophobic and antiemetic language and once upon a time spend an entire day laid completely naked on the floor.

Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from the band Nine Inch Nails wrote the song «Love is not enough.» Reznor, despite his famous for shocking performances on the stage and grotesque anxious clips, got rid of drug and alcohol addiction, married one woman, had two children with her, and then canceled the subsequent studio and tour activities to stay at home and become a good husband and father.

One of these men has a pure and realistic understanding of love. The other does not. One of them idealizes love, seeing in it the solution of all problems. Other one doesn’t. One of them, probably, was a narcissistic jerk. The second was not.

In our culture, many people idealize love. We see in it as sublime panacea for all life’s problems. Our films and stories in books make it out to be the ultimate goal of life, the final deliverance from the whole painful struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, we have to pay for this relationship.

When we believe that «all we need is love,» like Lennon, we tend to ignore the fundamental values: respect, humility and commitment to the people we care about. In the end, if love decides everything, why should I bother myself with other things — complicated things? The fundamentals on which love is actually based.

But if, like Reznor, we believe that «love is not enough,» we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotions or high passions. We understand that there are things more important in our life and in our relationships than just being in love. And the success of our relations depends on deeper and more important values.

Thanks for reading